7 Things to be normalized for men

 

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                     We think men in this society has more freedom, they are free to do anything. But, there are some unwritten social rules which are needed to be followed by men, if they failed to follow it, they are made to feel ashamed or humiliated.

                      If a particular behavior is considered normal for a woman, then it should be normalized for men also. In this blog there are some things which needs to be considered normal among men.

1.      To cry : Boys at their young age have always heard these lines “Why are you crying like a girl? Boys don’t cry”. Do tears come only for girls? Are men not humans? Do women only have the rights to express their emotions?

               As a society we don’t encourage men to show their emotions. They always hide their emotions or withdraw. Suppressing the emotions can cause stress and anxiety which may even lead to self destruction and they may become suicidal. We should  encourage them to express their emotions rather than shutting it down.

 

2.   No need to be a rugged person: When it is not socially acceptable for men to cry, it is totally acceptable for men to be a rude person. As said above when they suppress their sadness, they tend to channel it in the other way by showing anger and behaving in a rude and aggressive manner. They have been told that being rude and aggressive is the way to show their masculinity and crying is not supposed to be a thing for men. Both are wrong. It has to be socially accepted that men are not supposed to be a rugged person in order to prove their masculinity.

 

3.      To have a makeover: Men are generally ashamed when they try to wear makeup. Generally it is said that makeup adds confidence in a woman. When women gains confidence having a makeover why men lose their confidence when they have a makeover? It is not a big deal when male celebrities wear makeup to look good. We should also let normal men to have a makeover if they like it. Grooming and having a makeover is a choice of an individual, not a gender related thing. It should not be an embarrassing thing for anyone.

4.      Having hobbies they like: Hobbies are something we do for pleasure and relaxation. So, it should be any activity a person likes the most. When a man likes dancing, cooking, knitting there is nothing wrong in that. Can’t a men’s hand cook and stitch? Can’t a men’s legs and hips dance? We can’t force someone to have a hobby they don’t like. When a particular activity gives them relaxation we should let them do it peacefully.

 

5.    To like and wear any colour: There was a guy who bought a laptop in pink colour. But he was embarrassed to bring that laptop to his office because of its colour. So he had put some sticker on that laptop so that it looks less pink. In this scenario, what made him to feel embarrassed about pink colour even when he likes it?

                             Generalising colours based upon gender is something we should stop. In some hospitals, they use tags and towels in pink for girls and blue for boys. But the purpose of it is to distinguish between a boy and a girl baby in order to avoid confusion. But these colours had become the identity of he gender in later days. Colours are from nature and nature is for everyone. Anyone can like any colour irrespective of their gender.

 

6.      To have a long hair: One of my cousins who had a long hair was made to feel embarrassed in one of the family function which made to avoid our relatives completely.

                             What is wrong with the men having ling hair? Men are often humiliated if he is bald or if has a long hair. Should he always have to have a hair in between these two? Everyone should feel free to have the hairstyle they like.

 

7.      To not have a beard or mustache: Another thing men are made to feel ashamed is when he don’t have a beard or a mustache. When he can’t grow a beard or mustache he is made fun of it by calling him a girl. Does beard and mustache only define a man? Everyone have different level of hormones in our body. So for some people it will grow in the young age itself and for some people it might take time.And if a men likes to have a clean shaved face he can have it. It should not be a thing for men to be worried. 

                          At some point in life even we would have faced gender stereotyping.  It might be a funny thing for some people to humiliate an individual by gender stereotyping. But it is really a toxic thing which has to be stopped. Voice this out and stop it. Let everyone live the life they want.

               

6 things not to do in front of kids

Home is the first place where the kids learn from and parents are the persons from whom they learn to do many things. As a parent or a guardian it is our responsibility to inculcate good values in them. But, sometimes we do some mistakes in front of them which might lead to develop bad habits in them. So, keep in mind the following points and avoid doing these things in front of them.

1.   Fighting/ arguing: As an adult when we see someone fighting or arguing with each other causes stress in our brain. So, what do you think will happen to a kid when they encounter the same situation? It stresses them a lot. The impact of stress on a developing brain is very dangerous. Even a 5 month old baby can detect anger in a human voice. It elevates their heart rate and blood pressure. This may lead to increase in anger, depression, aggression in their early age itself. So, whenever you have an argument or a fight do it in a closed room or when they are asleep or when they are not home. In case, if they witnessed your fight make sure they witness your makeup also.

 

2.   Disrespecting others: If you want your child to respect you and others you have to be a respectful person. Disrespect comes from some kind of actions towards others like bullying, body shaming, passing negative comments, behaving in a rude manner. Do not engage in these activities even for fun. These activities will tend to cause disruptive, intimidating, demeaning behavior in your child. These behavior make them a bullying child in future.

                                          Always respect your spouse, elders, daily wage workers, to every person so that you can be a good example your kid.

3.    Using mobile phones/gadgets : You want your child to be a knowledgeable person. You want your child to go outside and play instead of  using gadgets. But these will not happen when they see you using your gadgets often. Gadgets easily attracts children with its colorful lights and screen. We cannot avoid them from using gadgets these days. But we can limit their screening time by reading books to them, taking them outside and playing, spending more time with them, engaging them in any play activity, setting a time limit for their screening time.

 

4.     Using bad words: Kids always imitate what their parents do and use words which they listen from their parents speaking. So, when you use bad words, they automatically start using those words even though they don’t know the meaning. Remember that people gets easily attracted to negative things than positive things. And kids also easily grab the bad words and action than the good ones. Even when you are talking in phone your child listens to each and every word you speak. So, always be careful in choosing the right words to talk in front of them.  

5.    Smoking or drinking : One of the bad habit you might influence to develop in your child is drinking or smoking if you smoke or drink in front of them. They think it is fun and will try it behind your back. They might develop this habit in the early stage of life and get addicted to it. Having these habits in the early stage of life will cause serious health concerns. So, enjoy your drink when your child is not in home or after they sleep.

 

6.    Lying: Kids start lying when they feel scared that you might not approve or when they see you lying to others. Sometimes you will buy something for your kids like chocolate or ice-cream and lie to your spouse and also make the kid to lie to them. You may think that it is not a big deal. But, this is where your child learns to lie. So, be a truthful and honest person. Do not lie even for the small things in front of your child.

     Respect everyone, accept your mistake, apologize to your spouse, do not lie. Be a good example to your children.

 

 

5 reasons you should not ask a married couple about having a baby

 

 

The most common question every married couple encounter after getting married is “Do you have any good news?”. This encounter starts just after one month of getting married. They are chased by this question everywhere they go. As a member of a society or as a well wisher of the couple we might be excited for knowing about their baby, but there are some reasons we should not ask them about their personal things.

1.Its embarrassing : Having a baby is a matter of privacy between the couple. Asking about other’s personal life to them is totally embarrassing. Interfering in someone’s life does not look good if you are a respectable person. Even if they are close to you don’t embarrass them with such questions until they are ready to talk about it.

2. It stresses them: When everyone in the society keeps on asking the same question, it stresses the couple which makes their life worse. Stress in one of the factor for infertility. So, when they want to have a baby your constant question will pressurise them which might make it difficult for them to have a baby. Kindly, let them have a peaceful journey in their marriage life.

3.We don’t live their life: Everyone has a life of their own. Everyone have their own problems which we are not aware of. For a married couple there might be any problem in having a baby. They might have any financial problem, they might be getting treatment for fertility, they might not be mentally prepared to have a baby, they might had a miscarriage or there might be any other problem in their lives. But only if we live their life we will get to know how difficult it is to live in this judgmental society.We don't walk in their shoes to judge them. As a human being we have to support each other. Let them live their life. They might already have a problem. Don’t add yourself as a problem in their life.

4. Its their choice: It is solely the decision of a couple to decide when to have kids, how many kids they want, whether they want kids or not. It should not be anyone’s decision to force them to have a baby. If they are going to have a baby, only they are going to make them grow, they are going to spend their money and time, not us. So, it’s not our choice to tell them to have a baby.

5.None of our business: Even as a well wisher or a relative its none of our business to get involved in other’s lives. So, let’s focus on our unfinished business and stop interfering in other’s personal matter.

To conclude, let us keep in mind these reasons before encountering someone with our embarrassing questions.

How to have a successful arrange marriage?

 

Arrange marriage is a marriage where, the two persons from same or different background come forward to live together for the rest of their lives without knowing each other or having any relationship between them before. Arrange marriages are common in countries like India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, China, Japan, South Korea. The idea of arranged marriage is a bit scary for the bride and the groom because they have to live with some stranger whom they have never met before. Even while arranged marriage have advantages there are also some disadvantages which sometimes even lead to the breakup of the marriage. I have seen a few couples who had done arrange marriage and now struggle to understand each other. Here are some points to remember before and after your arranged marriage which might help you to have a successful marriage.

  1.Don’t completely trust the matrimonial site or the broker: Nowadays many arranged marriages are done through matrimonial sites and few are done with the help of a broker or through the word of a relatives or friends. You should not completely trust all the details entered in those websites. Because there are some cases where the person was already married looking for another marriage by hiding the fact that he is already married just for the money and sometimes they will change their  qualification, income and other things just to get married, which might become a huge problem after marriage. And when the marriage proposal comes through broker or relatives they might not know about the family or about the person completely. So it is better to have a thorough background check up of the person and family. It might look bad to check on the bride or groom but it is better to be cautious these days than to fall in a trap  throughout your life.

     2.Don’t say OK just for the sake of the parents: While there are some people who blindly accept the bride or groom as their partner if their parents are satisfied. It happens when they blindly trust their parents or when they don’t have a choice because they are emotionally blackmailed by their parents. Don’t let this happen in your life, because it is you who is going to live with that person for lifelong, not your parents. I am not saying your parents will make a wrong choice, they want you to be happy, but you are the one who knows what kind of person is suitable for your life than your parents. So, stand for yourself. Say NO without any hesitation if you don’t like that proposal.

  3.  Don’t expect dowry or higher salary: Many marriages happen if the bride side offers more dowry and some marriages happen if the groom earn a lot of money. Do you think it is a marriage or a business, exchanging the persons just for the property and money? Those marriages will never be successful. Dowry is illegal in India. But it is still followed as a tradition. It cant be avoided if the bride side offers it to their daughter. In that case, accept what they can offer but don’t demand for anything. A marriage which happens based only on the dowry, will lead to lot of serious problems in the future. We have seen many cases, which even lead to the death of the bride. It is happening even now.

          And I don’t say that you must not consider the income of the person. I insist that you should not consider only the income. If the bride and groom earn enough to have a comfortable life then, there is no need of any dowry. If you are a woman kindly don’t accept the marriage proposal if they demand for dowry. So that you can avoid serious problem in the future.  Stop demanding for dowry and higher income if you want to have a peaceful and happy marriage.

      4.Plan your future : You are going to spend the rest of your life with that person, so plan things with them so that it won’t cause any confusion in the future. Plan things like how are you going to spend your earning, Do you want children or not, how many children you want, what religious practice you want to inculcate to your children, which place you want to settle in the future ,retirement plan etc. You both may have different ideas or opinions on these things. Sort all these beforehand in order to avoid chaos in your future life.

     5. Go for many dates: When you want to choose the right partner for you, you gotta understand them. In order to understand them you have to spend more time with them. So, go for many dates. Understand their likes, dislikes, their behavior, hobbies, passion, dream, habits. And also help them understand yours. Don’t try to show the different version of you in order to impress them. Be original. Be yourself.

    6.Don’t talk about  past : Don’t ask about their past until they are comfortable. They will open up to you when they are ready. Just don’t push it. Sharing about your past might be good for a relationship. But, sometimes sharing about the past had spoiled many good relationship. So, it is better not to take that topic until you are sure that your partner will be okay after knowing your past. Well some of you might think that it is wrong to hide the past from your partner. But if hiding your past is the only way to have a happy future together then there is nothing wrong in it. 

                       Try be a sportive and a broad minded person to accept their past. Because, after all it is in the past. You know how they are now. Don’t spoil your beautiful future by thinking about the past.

                        Accept their past, support their present and encourage their future.

     7.Don’t involve parents in all your decisions: Once you get married, there are some decisions you have to take only with your life partner without involving your parents. When do you want children, how many children you want, what you can name them, when and where you can go for a vacation etc. These decisions involve and affect only the both of you. So discuss among yourselves. Don’t involve your parents until both are okay with it.

                           And when you have a misunderstanding or a fight, try to solve within yourself. Involving parents or any other third person is not advisable. Be matured enough to handle these situations alone.

   8. Appreciate them: After marriage, you will face many things which are new to you. It will be the same for your partner too. So, whenever they are trying new things or when they spend their effort for you, appreciate them. They will feel happy and your bond becomes more stronger.

      9.Apologize when needed: No ego is better then the life together. No one is perfect. We make mistakes. Asking for forgiveness will not make you any less. In fact, accepting the mistake and asking for forgiveness is one the bravest thing to do. So, whenever there is a misunderstanding or a fight don’t drag it more than a day. Ask for “sorry” and move on happily.