How to have a successful arrange marriage?

 

Arrange marriage is a marriage where, the two persons from same or different background come forward to live together for the rest of their lives without knowing each other or having any relationship between them before. Arrange marriages are common in countries like India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, China, Japan, South Korea. The idea of arranged marriage is a bit scary for the bride and the groom because they have to live with some stranger whom they have never met before. Even while arranged marriage have advantages there are also some disadvantages which sometimes even lead to the breakup of the marriage. I have seen a few couples who had done arrange marriage and now struggle to understand each other. Here are some points to remember before and after your arranged marriage which might help you to have a successful marriage.

  1.Don’t completely trust the matrimonial site or the broker: Nowadays many arranged marriages are done through matrimonial sites and few are done with the help of a broker or through the word of a relatives or friends. You should not completely trust all the details entered in those websites. Because there are some cases where the person was already married looking for another marriage by hiding the fact that he is already married just for the money and sometimes they will change their  qualification, income and other things just to get married, which might become a huge problem after marriage. And when the marriage proposal comes through broker or relatives they might not know about the family or about the person completely. So it is better to have a thorough background check up of the person and family. It might look bad to check on the bride or groom but it is better to be cautious these days than to fall in a trap  throughout your life.

     2.Don’t say OK just for the sake of the parents: While there are some people who blindly accept the bride or groom as their partner if their parents are satisfied. It happens when they blindly trust their parents or when they don’t have a choice because they are emotionally blackmailed by their parents. Don’t let this happen in your life, because it is you who is going to live with that person for lifelong, not your parents. I am not saying your parents will make a wrong choice, they want you to be happy, but you are the one who knows what kind of person is suitable for your life than your parents. So, stand for yourself. Say NO without any hesitation if you don’t like that proposal.

  3.  Don’t expect dowry or higher salary: Many marriages happen if the bride side offers more dowry and some marriages happen if the groom earn a lot of money. Do you think it is a marriage or a business, exchanging the persons just for the property and money? Those marriages will never be successful. Dowry is illegal in India. But it is still followed as a tradition. It cant be avoided if the bride side offers it to their daughter. In that case, accept what they can offer but don’t demand for anything. A marriage which happens based only on the dowry, will lead to lot of serious problems in the future. We have seen many cases, which even lead to the death of the bride. It is happening even now.

          And I don’t say that you must not consider the income of the person. I insist that you should not consider only the income. If the bride and groom earn enough to have a comfortable life then, there is no need of any dowry. If you are a woman kindly don’t accept the marriage proposal if they demand for dowry. So that you can avoid serious problem in the future.  Stop demanding for dowry and higher income if you want to have a peaceful and happy marriage.

      4.Plan your future : You are going to spend the rest of your life with that person, so plan things with them so that it won’t cause any confusion in the future. Plan things like how are you going to spend your earning, Do you want children or not, how many children you want, what religious practice you want to inculcate to your children, which place you want to settle in the future ,retirement plan etc. You both may have different ideas or opinions on these things. Sort all these beforehand in order to avoid chaos in your future life.

     5. Go for many dates: When you want to choose the right partner for you, you gotta understand them. In order to understand them you have to spend more time with them. So, go for many dates. Understand their likes, dislikes, their behavior, hobbies, passion, dream, habits. And also help them understand yours. Don’t try to show the different version of you in order to impress them. Be original. Be yourself.

    6.Don’t talk about  past : Don’t ask about their past until they are comfortable. They will open up to you when they are ready. Just don’t push it. Sharing about your past might be good for a relationship. But, sometimes sharing about the past had spoiled many good relationship. So, it is better not to take that topic until you are sure that your partner will be okay after knowing your past. Well some of you might think that it is wrong to hide the past from your partner. But if hiding your past is the only way to have a happy future together then there is nothing wrong in it. 

                       Try be a sportive and a broad minded person to accept their past. Because, after all it is in the past. You know how they are now. Don’t spoil your beautiful future by thinking about the past.

                        Accept their past, support their present and encourage their future.

     7.Don’t involve parents in all your decisions: Once you get married, there are some decisions you have to take only with your life partner without involving your parents. When do you want children, how many children you want, what you can name them, when and where you can go for a vacation etc. These decisions involve and affect only the both of you. So discuss among yourselves. Don’t involve your parents until both are okay with it.

                           And when you have a misunderstanding or a fight, try to solve within yourself. Involving parents or any other third person is not advisable. Be matured enough to handle these situations alone.

   8. Appreciate them: After marriage, you will face many things which are new to you. It will be the same for your partner too. So, whenever they are trying new things or when they spend their effort for you, appreciate them. They will feel happy and your bond becomes more stronger.

      9.Apologize when needed: No ego is better then the life together. No one is perfect. We make mistakes. Asking for forgiveness will not make you any less. In fact, accepting the mistake and asking for forgiveness is one the bravest thing to do. So, whenever there is a misunderstanding or a fight don’t drag it more than a day. Ask for “sorry” and move on happily.